Have you had any experience where people try to bully you, make fun of you, belittle and diminish you and your dreams? Some of them may do it alone while some may gang up with other people with the same agenda. They will talk bad about you, spreading rumors behind your back, and give destructive damaging criticism and comments. This group of people usually have the same mindset, to put down people who they feel inferior to and threatened with.
Whether you like it or not, these people will put you down, mock your dreams and make fun of your personality. No matter how hard you try, you cannot make everyone happy and you will never be good enough to some people. They have their own reasons and justifications to do that, which you may never be able to understand.
These people are toxic. They may look like winners because they may have dominant, strong and loud character and because they are in a herd. In actual fact, they are only showing their jealousy and insecurities towards you. Their negative destructive comments can make you feel bad, especially when you are in the beginning of your journey to achieve your goals. You can lose your focus on your goals and you will be wasting your energy and time dealing with them.
Do not worry. You don’t have to be their victim. Never let them drive you towards depression. We will share with you how to have the power to deflect their negative energy and handle this issue like a true winner. But always remember, no matter how badly they treat you, never ever drop down to their level. Just know that you are better than that.
Let’s all be clear here, all positive, constructive comment and feedback should be welcome as they are good for our growth. However, gossips, rumors, diminishing, negative and destructive criticism and comments are harmful to both the givers and receivers.
If you observe carefully, people who are happy with themselves and their life will emanate positive energy and will usually praise. Only unhappy inadequate people, who feel inferior, who feel threatened by you will put you down and criticize you negatively. Imagine a see-saw in a playground, you are on one end while the bully is on the other end. In an inadequate person’s mind (the bully), you are actually up here high above them and they’re down there below you and they don’t like that at all. This happens regardless how you feel about them because their feeling are not from within you. Their feelings come from within themselves.
When someone feels inadequate or inferior to you, there are only two things they can do, it’s either to elevate themselves or diminish you. For people with positive mindset, they will do something to change the situation and elevate themselves to feel better. Meanwhile, for those with negative mindset, when they feel powerless and afraid, they will show it by putting you down, because they want you to feel bad. They need to feel superior and they like to rebuild their false sense of being in control. The only way they know and can do is to diminish you by negative criticism. They think there are some benefits to them by doing that when there really isn’t.
They will try to diminish, intimidate and control you. When they realise you are stronger than they thought, they will start spreading rumours and the negative energy to turn people against you. Some need to have people with them to feel that they are in control. That is the classic behaviour of a bully.
Unfortunately, when other people see this kind of thing, those with similar characters and mindset will easily fall into the trap and be tempted to join this herd. For some others, while they do not have the guts to stand up for what is right, it doesn’t mean that they don’t care. It is just that they are afraid of becoming the next target.
But the thing is you don’t have to let that in. No one can ever make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them. No one can ever negatively criticize you unless you accept it. Critical people actually have the most criticism reserved for themselves. They express outwardly their dissatisfaction. When they negatively criticize you, belittle you and put you down they are actually showing you and everyone else that there are something about themselves that they don’t like. They have this inadequate and “I’m always not good enough” mindset, whether they realise it or not. They’re very critical of other people but the actual fact is that the thing they really don’t like is within themselves.
When they try to negatively criticize you and hurt you, never let it in. You can just leave it with them. You always have a choice to say, “Thank you for sharing. That’s your opinion. I’ll not let it in. I’ll just leave that with you. And you don’t seem to like yourself very much. You must be having a really bad day. I will just keep moving on ” If you can’t say it out loud to them just say it in your head.
And be very careful, the negative people who try to put you down may be those very close to you. That person can even be that little voice in your head. Never fall into the trap. Remember that you’re are allowed to make mistakes but you are not allowed to criticise yourself. So whenever you are going to be hard on yourself or anyone else and you feel like you want to say nasty thing like, “Oh, you stupid idiot you loser!,” STOP! Don’t do that. Instead change your state by saying something funny like, “Oh, You sweet candy! or You marshmallow! or You naughty baby!” or something like that. Because how can you get upset when you say, “Oh, you sweet candy, you naughty baby” those words can change your whole state. Positive state builds you up, negative state diminishes you.
I invite you to do exactly like that. I know it sounds silly. It might sound really pointless but remember negative criticism withers people. It withers them. It diminishes them. It hurts them. Praise builds people up including you. And your own criticism hurts you more than the criticism from anyone else. The way you negatively criticise yourself does far more damage than the criticism coming from someone else. One of the major causes of depression are harsh, hurtful, critical words that you say to yourself on a daily basis. You are going to stop that forever.
By the same token, your praise has a better effect on you than that of other people. So think of all the things you would love to hear from other people and say them to yourselves. Give yourself the praise you need.
When you stop criticizing and start praising yourself you start to rewire your brain. Praising yourself is easy. Every day as you go about your day-to-day life just say nice things to yourself. You can say things like, “I’m a good person. I did something really nice today. I was kind to people. I was observant. I listened.” Every day before you go to bed just think of something nice that you did. It can be anything at all. Just think about something nice and praise yourself. Even if it’s something as simple as getting up early and getting to work on time.
I want you to remember, as this is very important, happy, evolved people who are together praise. People who are unhappy, dissatisfied with themselves will negatively criticise. And you get to choose which one you’re going to be.
Before I leave you, have you heard the story of the holy man and the journalist? Let me tell you because it’s such a great example. A journalist went to interview a holy man. The journalist already decided that he didn’t like people like the holy man and that spiritual people were fake. So when he got to the holy man he said to him, “I don’t believe the thing that you stand for. I think you’re fake. I think you’re bogus. I think you’re a con artist and I just don’t believe that you’re this spiritual holy man.”
The spiritual holy man smiled and beamed and smiled and beamed some more and the journalist was a bit confused and he went, “Yeah, everything you stand for is all made up and it’s all ridiculous. And you can’t change people’s energy.” And the holy man beamed and smiled a bit more and finally the journalist went, “Why are you smiling and beaming while I tell you that you’re fake?” and he went, “My dear boy, if you give me a gift but I don’t accept the gift who has the gift?” and the journalist went, “That would be me,” and he went, “Exactly. I don’t accept your gift, I don’t accept your criticisms so I’m just leaving them with you.”
That is such a lesson, if someone choose to form an opinion about you without all the information and based on superficial things, then that’s their problem, not yours. Let them worry about it while you get on with your life knowing the full story. Now that you know how to deal with destructive criticism, change your life, be a true winner. Choose not to give or let in any negative, diminishing and destructive criticism.